that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
