I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
