I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
