i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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