so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
