I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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