So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
