I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
