we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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