I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
being pregnant is like rehab
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
