I can feel you judging me through the phone.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
True strength comes from lack of pants
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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