would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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