is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
