Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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