When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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