people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
