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We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
