omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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