With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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