the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have already put on my inside pants.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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