i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
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I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
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