Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
