im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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