What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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