I wish I could teleport
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
