he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
