he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
