My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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