I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
