i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
