your room smells of hookers.
And success
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
