Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
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We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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