I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
