She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
