So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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