Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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