On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
