Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
