Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
