If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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