U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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