there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
