Me. At least after what I've been through.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
