We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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