I wish my penis had an off switch
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
