i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
