Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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