no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
