Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
