In the future we'll all be gay
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
