After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
