you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
