He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
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Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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