I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
