I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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