Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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