tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
