what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
