You're my little dorito
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
