"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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