I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
