We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
