he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
