so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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