I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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