he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
