too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
