omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
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It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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