If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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