Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Never underestimate the power of titties
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize