Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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