Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
