if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
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