you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
