Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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