in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize