I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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