did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
