He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
