too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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