did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
