best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
