I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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