If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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