Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sext me about skeletons
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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