Texts From Last Night

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  (909): View more from California

  ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination

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  (909): ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination http://tfl.nu/afca
  Replies (156) Good night (879) Bad night (22717)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.

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  (651): It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes. http://tfl.nu/19vc
  Replies (24) Good night (1193) Bad night (4480)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.

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  (757): I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home. http://tfl.nu/lnz2
  Replies (23) Good night (1114) Bad night (5631)
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  (626): View more from California

  Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life

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  (626): Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life http://tfl.nu/vx9t
  Replies (16) Good night (3391) Bad night (1250)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too

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  (412): apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too http://tfl.nu/j3jp
  Replies (10) Good night (3036) Bad night (948)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.

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  (765): I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro. http://tfl.nu/6pjm
  Replies (10) Good night (3246) Bad night (744)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.

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  (540): hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one. http://tfl.nu/c556
  Replies (5) Good night (1693) Bad night (599)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.

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  (832): I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob. http://tfl.nu/r18w
  Replies (5) Good night (1549) Bad night (442)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  So. How about you can get tequila certified...

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  (478): So. How about you can get tequila certified... http://tfl.nu/1yln
  Replies (1) Good night (713) Bad night (433)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook

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  (585): Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook http://tfl.nu/4sfp
  Replies (6) Good night (1481) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.

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  (443): Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her. http://tfl.nu/t8u7
  Replies (0) Good night (535) Bad night (407)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump

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  (407): Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump http://tfl.nu/013u
  Replies (2) Good night (266) Bad night (626)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating

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  (407): I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating http://tfl.nu/dhhy
  Replies (1) Good night (552) Bad night (225)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.

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  (540): I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave. http://tfl.nu/cws2
  Replies (2) Good night (497) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.

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  (858): Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke. http://tfl.nu/9t6d
  Replies (2) Good night (552) Bad night (243)

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