every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
