on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up