Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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