First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas