Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.