I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.