somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday