he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.