His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
