she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This baby is an asshole
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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