You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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