She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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