This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
