I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
