So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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