remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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