fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
